“Why now?” I ask
Why now is it that I can finally see you for what you truly are?
Too long you have lurked in the shadows of my mind
And I never even realised
What I turned you into

You were never a monster, no
But you were always there.
The niggling, nagging, taunting, pestering part of me,
Yes, part of me, that’s what you had become

I shut you away in plain sight
“This happened to me,” I said, and I wasn’t afraid
At least I thought I wasn’t

“Confront it, come to terms with it, speak about it,” I said
It, it, it, never you
Because that is what you were to me, a concept, an event
Never a person

And all this time, how blinded I have been
You took away so much, because I let you
I made you into me, an inescapable part of my identity

No more.
I do not hate you, but I do not forgive you
Will I ever?

You see, it’s only now that I’m starting to realise
That by parading you around in my mind
I gave you power which you never had

Do you think of me, oh mighty man?
Because I think of you all the time

But I think I’ve thought enough
You are what you are
And what you are is what I am:
A small, insignificant human being

I release you from the shadows

Sophie Wright

This poem was written by Sophie Wright. It appeared as part of our A Bad Kiss exhibition which took place in Michaelmas of 2015.

Photo credit: Daria Nepriakhina via Unsplash


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