“Why now?” I ask
Why now is it that I can finally see you for what you truly are?
Too long you have lurked in the shadows of my mind
And I never even realised
What I turned you into
You were never a monster, no
But you were always there.
The niggling, nagging, taunting, pestering part of me,
Yes, part of me, that’s what you had become
I shut you away in plain sight
“This happened to me,” I said, and I wasn’t afraid
At least I thought I wasn’t
“Confront it, come to terms with it, speak about it,” I said
It, it, it, never you
Because that is what you were to me, a concept, an event
Never a person
And all this time, how blinded I have been
You took away so much, because I let you
I made you into me, an inescapable part of my identity
I do not hate you, but I do not forgive you
Will I ever?
You see, it’s only now that I’m starting to realise
That by parading you around in my mind
I gave you power which you never had
Do you think of me, oh mighty man?
Because I think of you all the time
But I think I’ve thought enough
You are what you are
And what you are is what I am:
A small, insignificant human being
I release you from the shadows
This poem was written by Sophie Wright. It appeared as part of our A Bad Kiss exhibition which took place in Michaelmas of 2015.
Photo credit: Daria Nepriakhina via Unsplash